Monday, 20 April 2015

The Worm

So, Patapon has finally decided to crawl, after a month of haphazard rolling to places and 360º rounds of futility which always ended in tears (because you go nowhere when you go in a circle, Chesterton said it).

Now, one of the things I really like about raising babies in England is the complete absence of emphasis on milestones (others may have a different perspective, but as I have declined having any extra dealings with health visitors – and face once more my inadequacies as a chit-chatter? The horror! ‒ I have been blissfully ignorant).

Patapon’s health book has a list of them, but no approximate time as to when he is supposed to reach each one. So far, I have been very good at not asking the internet, keeping the stress levels to a minimum, while I enjoy my delusions about how precocious my child is. It’s a great position to be in.

Yesterday, however, a lady at a mums’ group I attend, took it upon herself to rain on my parade. She had the effrontery to suggest (the cheek of the woman, I cannot...), to evoke the possibility, that perhaps, maybe, Patapon (who is by all –my‒ accounts, a child-genius) was ... (you will not believe this)... a late crawler.

I know. I was shocked too.

WELL, Madam My-Eight-months-old-can-cruise, can your eight-month old express delight through ritual feet-wagging?

Food-welcoming Ritual

Does he open his mouth so wide when any type of food is offered that you sometimes wonder how he is not hurting himself?

Also, he has 4 teeth! How many does yours have? Loser!

Can he express his angst at the realisation that the universe may, alas, alas, only hold a finite supply of Tupperware (hang in there, Patapon) through the Pose of Despair?

The Pose of Despair comes with Dramatic Floor-Drumming

And ANYWAYS, lady, Patapon only took a while because he was devising an entirely new and brilliant technique, all on his own, from the sheer genius of his creative mind. We call it the Worm.

Step 1: gather feet, push arms forward

Step 2,3 and 4: Flatten bottom, wriggle knees, mini jump forward, keeping legs together at all times

Ha! Take that! 

No problems mastering new skills, when it comes to reaching Tupperware
  ~Disclaimer : I am mocking myself here, not the poor unsuspecting lady~


  1. Tell me where I can this lady to punch her in the face!

    1. Haha, marraine sur la défensive! Je précise que c'est surtout de moi que je me moque :-)

  2. Super mais en bilingue cela me permettrait de contrôler mon...anglais!

  3. Mais tu peux déja profiter de mes dessins super artistiques!

  4. ahahah je suis fan!!!! Patapon did press-up is a sportsman!!

  5. Génial ce blog !! (et merci pour le lien via Facebook). J'ai bien ri en lisant ce billet (avec mon quatrième né juste un peu avant Jude, je peux t'assurer que marcher à 4 pattes à 8 mois, c'est précoce !), et j'ai aussi bien salivé devant la recette des endives au jambon : je file en acheter demain !! Bises,

    1. Merci Armelle, ca me fait plaisir :-D Et on est bien d'accord! Non mais!